Telling a Narcissist That You Will Not See Them Again
"Narcissist" is one of those labels that gets thrown around oft, but information technology means more than having a high level of cocky-confidence. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable mental health condition characterized past an exaggerated sense of importance, a deep need for admiration, and an disability to experience empathy for others.
Combine a narcissist with the already heightened drama and expectations of the vacation season, and information technology tin exist a recipe for disaster. The narcissist in your family unit tree might be a parent, an developed kid, even an in-police force. But whoever it is, getting together with them in celebration tin can mean putting up with their criticism, cocky-aggrandizement, and demand for attending.
This year, flip the script so you don't permit them exhaust you or damage your mental health. Here's what experts advise when it comes to handling a narcissistic family member across your holiday table.
Credit: Getty Images / Jo Imperio
Does narcissism run in families?
Before getting into coping strategies, it's of import to know how family background might exist one cause of narcissistic behavior. Like most other pathologic personality traits, narcissism ofttimes stems from risk factors or negative experiences during childhood, experts say.
"Research has suggested a link between certain parenting styles and narcissism, which includes overly permissive or overprotective parenting," Rashmi Parmar, MD, a California-based psychiatrist with Community Psychiatry and MindPath Care Centers, tells Health.
Excessive praise and poor limit setting tin fuel narcissism at an early age, but an overly strict or authoritarian parenting style can also result in trauma and low self-esteem, which may in turn lead to development of narcissism as a coping mechanism.
"The exact cause is unknown, and information technology is more probable a circuitous combination of factors involving a person's genetic makeup, neurobiology, and surround," Parmar says.
Coping with egotistic family members
If someone in your family checks all or some of the boxes for NPD, you're probably not super excited to exist spending fourth dimension with them over the holidays. Hither are the tactics that can make get-togethers easier.
Wait no sympathy or emotional back up
When people gather after not seeing one another for months, they tend to open up up about events that take gone down since they last got together. And if some of those events are emotional and upsetting—a task loss, peradventure, or health problems—you expect family members to express sympathy and back up. A narcissist, however, isn't capable of giving that to you. This tin catch you off guard and leave you feeling injure and discouraged.
That'due south because first and foremost, recollect that the narcissist does not see the world every bit yous do. "To them, they are the center of their earth and everyone is there for their do good," Santa Monica-based psychologist Sheila Forman, PhD, tells Wellness. "Knowing this will assist you to recognize their emotional limitations." Wait for comfort and support from others instead.
Don't get defensive
When a narcissist monopolizes holiday dinner chat and shows no interest in the other people at the table, or you find yourself criticized and sucked into their belittling conversation, you might start to feel defensive and react poorly, calling out their behavior. Unfortunately, information technology'due south probably pointless.
A narcissist is ultimately driven past low cocky-esteem, fifty-fifty though 1 of their defining characteristics is a preoccupation with themselves. "Their NPD is a way to compensate for how they really feel," Forman explains. "Understanding this can help you feel empathy for them and non become and so angry when they deport as they will."
Set business firm boundaries
Dealing successfully with a narcissist means setting salubrious boundaries as early as possible. It'due south not just near physical boundaries—the amount of fourth dimension yous spend in proximity to them—but psychological boundary lines also.
"Narcissists oftentimes experience they are being mistreated or that others are the source of problems and not them, and tend to adopt a manipulative, persuasive, and ascendant attitude to get their mode with family unit members or friends," Parmar says. "This means people usually give into their demands out of frustration or fright of against them. But enabling a narcissist will simply feed into their pre-existing self-centered ideology."
If you lot can't go out of the holiday consequence, limit your fourth dimension there. Steer clear of engaging with them, and disengage when you feel vulnerable or like you're beingness drawn in. Y'all may not be able to control their behavior, just you lot can control how you respond. Says Parmar: "Yous accept the choice to limit your presence and interaction with such individuals for your ain sanity, whether they similar information technology or not."
Be prepared if you do confront them
If you wish to discuss a narcissist'due south behavior with them, expect resistance. Parmar recommends insulating your feedback with a layer of positive comments and compliments, to give it the best chance of beingness fully accustomed. "Narcissistic individuals have trouble reflecting on their own shortcomings or flaws; they often jump on the thought that information technology is the other person'due south error and that they are being unjustly blamed for wrongdoing," she explains.
To get your point across finer, Parmar also suggests using articulate, precise, and physical sentences. Try to validate their feelings nigh challenging situations before you give them your feedback on their beliefs. And avoid straight challenging the narcissistic person'south beliefs, equally information technology'southward likely to backfire.
Look after your mental health
It's holiday fourth dimension, and merely considering there'south a narcissist in the house doesn't mean y'all can't enjoy all the adept things the season brings. Catch up with family members you do get on with, have fourth dimension-outs to recharge your energy and mood, and stick close to loved ones who back up and nourish you.
It'south of import to take care of your own mental health, as people who are driveling by narcissists frequently cease up blaming themselves for the dysfunctional relationship and may develop symptoms of anxiety or low. Be good to yourself, and before you know information technology, the gathering will be over, and you can program not to accept to meet them again next year.
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Source: https://www.health.com/condition/mental-health-conditions/narcissistic-family-during-holidays
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